peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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