I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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