Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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