i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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