does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize