I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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