So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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