Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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