tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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