this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize