Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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