When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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