So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think my fart just growled at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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