This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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