My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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