Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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