I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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