I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize