i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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