I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize