Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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