she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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