Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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