I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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