i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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