hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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