What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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