Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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