you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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