Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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