You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize