This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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