So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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