if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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