shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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