dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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