Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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