If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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