woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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