if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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