Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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