I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
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I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm like, not good at living.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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