i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize