She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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