My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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