we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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