How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize