I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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