i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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