The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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